I lived experience of childhood abuse. It's so hard to define when there is also a child from a little older. But I have another name to give. The my earliest memories have already stimulation itself sexual. Grew well.
I remember the guilt, the feeling of doing something wrong. Something very bad, take me to hell. However, even with this fear, I did not refuse the rush he received. Quite the contrary, was extremely excited.
Now, writing this, I realize that my sexuality is expressed precisely in a context that could only come filled with guilt. I remember when I discovered homosexual, also had the same fear of going to hell. Maybe that's why I am so fond of Spiritualism, the only religion that has brought me some comfort.
so until I lived 14 years. I remember when I have imposed a limit and ended up here with what I call "abusive relationship" by not having a term that expresses the best.
And that was the theme that I took to superficial analysis. I could not see how something as seemingly distant could be reflected in my adult life.
And it's just what he has. In my emotional-sexual relationships, friends whose invasions I'm holding out until I can no longer live with them.
And then maybe give it all to understand why I registered here and let all these years.
Now you know where is much misunderstanding. Now I can even out of a session, observe how this pattern manifests itself in me. And I have to find a way to dose my relationships, whatever, as I have been trying to get money or food as I did when I lost weight.
Currently all prices paid for all the wrong choices I made. Maybe I still have to pay off other debts, but I think that the goal of the new year, I promise not to commit so much more to my life to keep repeating the traumas of childhood.
The worst is that I never took seriously the history of childhood trauma ...
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